From the past I really am wondering what true love means...How does it really feel? and what if I'm going to put myself into a relationship with someone,can I really feel or say that "this is for real?" Through that I didn' t hesitate to experiment and find the answers myself.
For the past six years I alteady had 8 boyfriends. And I can't really call them as my boyfriends because it was just nearly a fling for me. Though I really cared for them a lot but I can't find that beat in my heart telling me that it's for real. Not that I am toying them or something, I just really want to find that perfect person for me.
Suddenly I met this certain guy, who happened to be a transferee in our third year in highschool. He's cool and we had a lot in common. He even plays bass and guitar that's why I idolized him so much. We became good friends and as the days has passed, he began to court me. Though I liked him a lot, I told him honestly that if it's okay that we will not have a serious relationship. A fling for short. Though he really wanted to have a stable and serious relationship, he agreed.
We've been together for almost half a year, and that I am sure that I loved him already. I didn't know how it happened but it's just there in the middle of my heart. scream my lungs out that I love him. I can't explain my feelings everytime he's near and evrytime he looked into my eyes. From then on, I made sure that it is very special when we're together. I feel so happy knowing that I found the right guy for me. Feels like I'm the happiest and the luckiest peson in the world! And I sensed no end.
One day I planned to go over him and tell him what I really feel. But suddenly my whole world began to crumple when I found out that he's dating another girl. He even told me that he's happy with her and thanks for making him grow.He told me that he's happy for allowing him share his love to me without anything in return. And then he left. He left me knowing that he is just one of my flings. He left without knowing that I love him already and he's the only one I truly love. I want to hold him close and tell him what I really feel. But I just can't. I am afraid of what his reaction might be or that he may reject me. And I think it's better that way to escape from further pain. But it aches me most, I lost my chance to tell him how and what I really feel. But it's too late.They're happy with each other and i don't want to be the villain in their love story. I told myself that it was nothing. He's not my boyfriend anyways! And I never cry before, so why should I grieve? I hid my feelings and pretented that I am happy now he's gone. I faked my smiles and put my sorrows under my sleeves. But deep inside it really clenches my heart, and this fragile thing was broken into pieces.
Through that I learned my lessons. Don't go fooling around just to look for the right one. Now that I am more mature and old enough, I know now to just wait. Though it took a long time before i fully recover. And there was even a point that I don't believe i love anymore. But I realized that it was my fault anyway. And now I am ready to fall in love again...NO more fLingS!!
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